Your leadership style is holding everyone back (even you)
I’m both fortunate and unfortunate to work with business leaders at critical inflection points in their careers.
The fortunate part is obvious: I get to support smart, ambitious, highly-successful people building something that matters. Whether it’s a growing company, a multi-region merger, or a reimagined team structure after a tough year, these are the moments that shape a leader’s legacy.
The unfortunate truth? These moments rarely feel like opportunity from the inside. They feel like chaos. Like exhaustion. Like loss of control.
Because whether it’s a season of rapid growth, an acquisition, or a reduction in force, the hard truth is that these moments don’t just demand change in the business. They demand change in the leader!
And the hardest truth of all? You can’t sell someone on leadership growth. Especially not when they’re already overwhelmed, defensive, and worried they’re losing control.
The tipping point: How to avoid ego defenses in times of change
One of the most common ego-defense mechanisms I see in leadership, especially during high-stakes inflection points, is a sudden tightening of control paired with an erosion of trust.
When leaders feel uncertain, they often do the opposite of what’s needed: they withdraw, nitpick, or overrule. They insert themselves last-minute. They rationalize instead of reflect. They start managing their image of leadership more than the actual work of leading.
I recently worked with two executive-level leaders who were navigating a complex post-merger landscape. When we presented them with the qualitative findings from their own employees—issues with role clarity and alignment, perceived communication breakdowns, and cultural friction—they interrupted, deflected, and asked for the names behind the quotes.
Not out of cruelty. Not with the intent to retaliate. Out of fear!
The perceived loss of control was so acute that hearing these organizational truths felt like a personal attack. And when feedback gets distilled through ego, it evaporates.
Leadership under pressure often triggers ego defenses and control reflexes. Learn how to spot them, and scale yourself as your business grows.
I control, therefore I am (a leader)
“I don't have an ego problem,” is probably what you–the reader–are thinking right now. And, yes, you’re right! You don't have an ego problem. So, what is it instead?
Craving control isn't a leadership flaw–it's a human instinct. Control provides a sense of order, predictability, and safety. But the irony is: what soothes the leader’s anxiety often signals distrust to their team.
What feels like “just checking in” to a stressed-out manager can feel like micromanagement to the employee. Especially in remote or high-growth contexts, the leadership impulse to “make sure everything’s okay” can erode trust faster than any system failure.
“If I’m not the one controlling, correcting, or knowing better—why do I exist as a leader?”
For some leaders, especially founders or long-time CEOs, control isn’t just about getting things right—it’s tied to identity. If I’m not the one spotting errors, making the final call, or knowing best, what is my role?
This mindset often hides beneath rationalizations about “maintaining quality” or “protecting the brand,” but underneath is a very human fear: irrelevance.
You can't convince a leader to change, but you can hold up the mirror
As a business trainer, I'm constantly asking myself, how do I sell a leader on leadership training, especially at a fragile moment. The answer is: you don't! You show them what’s possible when they choose to do the hard thing anyway.
You show them how ego gets in the way of clarity.
You show them how confusion at the top becomes chaos in the middle.
You show them that growth isn’t just about scaling the business,
It’s about scaling themselves to meet the moment.
One of the most useful tools I give leaders isn’t a framework—it’s a question:
“Is this feeling an expression of genuine concern
for my business–or about managing my discomfort?”
When you feel the urge to tighten the reins, interrupt, or second-guess: pause. Ask yourself, what do I need to feel safe right now? And then: what does my team need to feel trusted? (write it down and compare.)
Especially in remote, hybrid or fast-scaling contexts, the goal isn't to “let go of everything.” It’s to build situational, employee-centered leadership:
High presence and guidance when your team is unsure
High autonomy and trust when your team is thriving
The sweet spot isn't static and immediately obvious. But it’s worth finding.
The unfortunate privilege of guiding leaders through change?
Speaking of ego, I've inserted myself into this blog post so much that I might as well close the loop by reflecting on what I have learned over the years.
Turns out, this work isn’t unfortunate after all. It’s my privilege to be invited into these moments of transformation.
To be trusted with the messy in-between.
To help leaders rebuild, not just their companies, but their capacity.
It’s hard work.
It requires patience.
It stirs up more than a few defense mechanisms—mine included.
But when leaders choose to do this work, here’s what happens:
Employees get the clarity they’ve been craving.
Teams start communicating and performing.
Decisions get faster. Culture gets lighter.
Talent sticks around.
And the business becomes more than one person can carry—because it no longer has to be.
That’s the kind of leadership style that sticks.
If you need someone to hold up the mirror for you, or simply want to learn more about Tee Lex’s leadership and business training offerings, please email hello[at]teelexinc.com and we can explore what program is best for you or your teams.
